May 3, 2012
In 2006 I started a new journey. Six years later I attempted to articulate what I strive for.
1: Fix myself; fix dysfunction – get therapy. Its okay; every one is dysfunctional. I still am.
2: Fix family dysfunction: Lend Support, Lead by example, encourage therapy, articulate and communicate
3: Fix extended family dysfunction: Fix by example, encourage and forgive
4: Grow Self and Grow family: Behind every successful family member is a successful family
5: Journey inward to successfully journey outward
6: Slow down, Relax & Smell the roses: Moments of Epiphany are hidden below the stems
7: Success is about helping others succeed: Help them on the way
8: Know success. Money is not success. Step 1 – 7 is success.
Thank you for being a part of my life – you all are my teachers!
December 20, 2008
I found a huge number of hits on my site where users look for this answer. I thought I’d just write up a quick note.
Can positive thinking change your karma?
Short Answer: Yes, but it doesn’t mean that your past karma goes unaccounted for.
Karma means action. And by positive thinking you have already acted in a way that will help you.
But I’m going to assume that you meant “Can it change my past karma ( either past life or current)?” The answer is: Yes only after you have completely paid back your previous karmic debts.
Karmic debts are usually no different from the financial debts in our little Wall street world. There is one exception; there is no bankruptcy law here. You cannot bail out without payback. The only good news is that your payback can be negotiated in any form acceptable to the other person and yourself. If you are reading this, the negotiation you are thinking about has already happened in the astral before birth (if you consider time as a linear). It will most probably not happen in the way you might think right now but the opportunity will show itself when its time. Act then. Act wise, rationalize and see compassionately. This is the crux and core of positive thinking.
How do I know this?
I can only speak from personal experience. My current life karma becomes obvious over time. One instance I remember clearly was a scene on the Basketball Court. I remember falling and tumbling on the court after being tripped by a newbie during a layup. This immediately took me to the time I was a newbie and I did the same thing unintentionally to someone else. I remember him tumbling and falling the same way. For my past life karma, I cross check with my wife’s help. She astral projects into our past lives to verify the payback. Since not everyone has this privilege, the only way is to go with the flow and act wisely and rationally (and this is obviously universal advice.)
Moving from Unconditionally Loving Yourself to Unconditionally Loving Others! (being Unselfish without bitterness & resentment)
October 13, 2008
If someone told you that you must be selfless and not selfish, they are wrong. If they tell you that you need to figure out and take care of all your needs first before you can be there for others; they are very close to being right. The actuality is finding a balance across time to be selfish and selfless. Sometimes you have to do what’s right for yourself and sometimes without hesitation you do what you think is right for others. This is the place to be; the balance.
Here’s my personal account…
It took me about two years from the time I decided to love myself unconditionally till I discovered how I could be truly selfless towards others. I saw this as a move from being selfish to selfless. I started by demanding that others love and accept me for who I was, just like what my mom would do for me. But most of all, I wanted this special someone to accept me as is, for my mistakes, my flaws and my foolishness; to love me for me and not for what I do or say.
With this big expectation that seemed quite easy for others, I was missing a big reality.
The chances of this happening the way I expected was not in my favor. I was battling time and patience.
~The Secret (movie)~
Around this period the inspirational movie – ‘The Secret’ made waves. But as much as it had its media and skeptic back lash, I found a value in the law of attraction i.e. ‘Like attracts like’; the concept of compatibility.
I asked myself ‘what was it that I wanted to attract?’
I wanted others to love me unconditionally just as I love myself. That’s all.
Then it hit me…
In order to be loved and accepted by others unconditionally, I had to first love and accept them unconditionally, i.e. I had to be like them to attract them.
It was a tough thought to accept for the longest time. I didn’t need to consciously apply this to my parents while I was younger; but I guess I always accepted them unconditionally without knowing. And now, to be compatible with this new breed of people, I had to become those qualities that I wanted from them. It seemed to follow the age old wisdom that ‘I have to give love to get love in return’ or ‘Giving away something from your closet to make room for something new.’
~Unselfish Moral Obligations v/s Selfish Heart’s Desire~
From the kind of society we come from and with the constant battles we fight within ourselves and outside, it is a bit difficult to be truly unselfish without understanding or taking help from any source. Even though we try to listen closely to our conscience, we confuse ourselves over moral obligations. Its very unfair that we argue ourselves over what we morally ‘ought’ to do versus what we desire to do. Some moral duties as taught to us by parents and society are the most heart breaking of them all. To make things worse, we sometimes hear disheartening and un-supportive statements from them when we divert away from our moral obligations. We silently punish ourselves by thinking how cruel and un-sacrificial we really are even though we did it in innocence for ourselves.
Here’s a list of popular taunts from my hay days ;-):
You are self centered.
Its all about you.
All you think and care about is yourself.
You are selfish.
You always have vested interests.
You always want something.
Here’s another list of what I secretly tell myself but I deny being it when others question me!
What am I going to get from this?
How am I going to gain if I help others?
What is in it for me?
What’s the point if I get nothing in return?
These are just normal behaviors found in most people who have been trying to help themselves by unconditionally loving themselves. It sounds a bit superficial when I say it but unless they completely help themselves, they cannot help others. What can I offer you if I can’t offer much to myself?
~finding that balance~
When I learned how to balance a bicycle, I’ve noticed that I fell at least once to the left and once to the right. It seemed natural to tip, twist & turn before balancing myself right. Only when I learned and realized the extremities of these 2 ends, that I slowly wavered to a center point decreasing my chances of error. This comes with practice, sheer determination and the understanding that I don’t have to be perfect to appreciate my constant efforts.
I don’t race against time, but I take my time. The same applies to finding a balance between selflessness and selfishness. As long as you are on the earth plane, you have to find a balance between the two. You cannot sustain being entirely selfless or selfish. Experience both extremities before finding what you like. In all cases, humans in general are naturally selfless most of the time as well as naturally confused about it ;). but as always you are the best judge to know what is a good balance for you.
Most people bounce between these two extremities (selfless and selfish).
As they confuse themselves over it, they tend to make life miserable for the ones they love but worse off, they make life miserable for themselves. If they can successfully understand what they are doing wrong, the only way is up!
~Unselfish with resentment aka Miss Doormat~
This is denial at its best. Miss Doormat is a person who loves to help but doesn’t know how to stop and where to draw the line. She needs to learn to help herself instead; she needs to know ‘when’ to say ‘No’ and when to say ‘Yes’. Without this, Miss Doormat is constantly denying herself the love and respect she deserves. I’ve seen my friends behave like doormats and it really upsets me to see them the way they are without seeking help. Worse off, they mostly get bad advice from very helpful friends who are clueless themselves.
~Selfishness with resentment/guilt~
When you recognize that you are selfish, you do so because you have the opposing desire to be what comes to you naturally; i.e. the act of being selfless. The only way to dissolve the guilt and resentment is to understand a certain reality. A reality that ‘you cannot give what you do not have enough of’, ‘you cannot make others happy if you are unhappy’ and that ‘you cannot love others if you cannot love yourself first’. You will also be the best judge to know when you are ready for this selfless leap. Morality is just a road block to attaining high levels of spirituality i.e. your best possible you.
From Miss Doormat’s point of view, she could be making efforts to say ‘No’ and help herself instead. Being in this new place, she may be confused with certain realities. She may be overly uncomfortable with being ‘not nice’ as she may see it. She may worry about what others think about her instead of what she thinks about herself. But putting others aside, if she recognizes herself to feel slightly good about being selfish, its a good thing, a time of self healing. Once she masters this state, she can progress to higher grounds of balance.
~Selfishness without resentment~
If you can be selfish without resentment without publicly denying it, it would be a good state to be in (on one condition). You would need to be truthful about it and make it clear to others that you are what you are i.e. self-centered. A bold statement like this is usually appreciated and well reciprocated. Either way, this stage is a definite stepping stone to finding a good balance. The best judge to know when you are ready to be a bit selfless is you.
~Un-Selfish without resentment~
People at this level are usually the spiritually evolved. I have a set of friends who I thought were like doormats but they never resented giving away what they had. In fact it didn’t really affect them if someone walked away thinking that they took advantage of them. They seemed to do this consciously with absolutely no resentment. But as much as it bothered me initially, I realized that every action they performed was equal to the weathering of rocks. It may not be visible today, but overtime it will weather even the strongest and biggest of stone hearts. They are ‘Time Surfers’ and made time their friend. They understand death, concepts of re-incarnation and the afterlife. They are my teachers in this lifetime and I realize that my life on earth is a like being in school. I am still learning.
I hope this helps you as much as it helped it me during my time of need.
Love & Peace out!
Filed in Meta-physical Info
Tags: absolute love, absolute unconditional love, acceptance, accepting love, act of sacrifice, balance in love, bitterness, boundaries, childish love, choice, choking love, compatibility, conditional love, confusion about love, conscious, desperate to find love, differences in love, divorce and love, dont want to sacrifice, doormat, duty, explaining love, extremities, faith, fatherly love, fear, finding a balance, finding true self, flaws, focus, forgiveness in love, giving up in a relationship, god love, god's love, guilt, guilt in love, guilt in relationships, hate sacrifice, higher consciousness, how do I learn to love, how do I truly love, How to Love Unconditionally!, in love, innocence, is love worth it, law of attraction, learn, learning to love unconditionally, letting go in a relationship, levels of love, life, light, love, love and affair, love and compatibility, love and forgiveness, love and space in relationships, love for a reason, love for material, love for money, love from greed, love from guilt, love hate forgiveness sacrifice, love in relationships, love information, love just is, love self before loving others, love the person not the action, love unconditionally, loving myself, loving oneself, messages about love, meta physics, misguided in love, mistakes, moral duties, moral duty, moral obligation, motherly love, obligation, patience, personal gain, power of love, power of sacrifice, pure love, re-incarnation, reason for love, resentment, resentment and guilt, sacred love, sacrifice, sacrifice in loving you, sacrifice love forgiveness, sacrifice yourself for others, self, self centered, self centred, self esteem, selfish, selfless, selfless love, selflessness, strength in love, strong love, the secret, time, time surfer, true love, true love and affair, true self, unconditional acceptance, unconditional love, unselfish, unsupportive, versted insterests, what is sacrifice, what is true love, what is unconditional love
September 4, 2008
This particular write serves better as a continuation from the previous read on Trust and Faith Misunderstood.
With the amount of mistakes I constantly made, I know I had many opportunities to understand trust and forgiveness through the pain, frustration and guilt in my life. At this point today, I believe in this quote: ‘If you haven’t made any mistakes, you haven’t taken enough risks.’ And I would have learned nothing.
It’s from these many learning opportunities I realized that if we have to forgive someone or carry a grudge, it is we who carry the emotional baggage and not them. When we truly forgive someone, it is we who feel really light hearted. They on the other hand have the choice to care less or help us heal. And as painful and heavy this is, there are ways to feel lighter without having to deal with the person or system we believe created this painful situation. Life teaches us lessons in unexpected ways and sadly this is one of them. If you are at this juncture, its also quite clear that the concepts of trust and faith have been misunderstood leading to this hurtful emotion.
~Crossing a boundary?~
While somewhere we believe that some of our limits/boundaries have been crossed, some of us still keep the courage to do the right thing. In this article I will try to logically present the answer you are looking for with the best possible forms of reason. The concept of forgiveness is something that even people with healthy self esteem tend to confuse and struggle over. Bear with me as I demonstrate the ‘act of being unforgiving towards others’ is really an illusion and were are truly unforgiving of ourselves instead. It is then not ‘our’ boundary wall that they cross but it is the boundary wall we put around them that they cross. I will start with the basics of choice as the fundamentals to this understanding.
PS. I will not attempt to justify any form of forgiveness towards physical abuse at this time. But for those desperately seeking answers here, please read up on Past Life Karmas and Life Path to understand the holistic purpose of this act
We all make choices. Some of us know the outcome and hence make informed choices. Some, on the other hand (mostly wishful thinkers), make choices with the expectation of a positive outcome, ignoring the other hurtful possibilities. The more experienced on the other hand makes a conscious choice after accepting the possibility of a bad outcome while hoping for the good. These are common in the stock market where a sensible investor takes a loss in the same spirit as he would take a profit. With every choice comes emotional responsibility for its outcome no matter how bad or good it maybe.
We also expect others to respect our good and bad choices just as we respect theirs; especially their bad ones. A parent disapproving their daughter’s choices of a boyfriend in a dating scene usually results in the daughter being upset over it. She expects her parents to respect her choices just as she respects theirs. She expects that they trust her with the knowledge they themselves educated her with. Without mutual respect there is no healthy relationship.
In this personal journey of self discovery, everyone has the freedom to make mistakes, take responsibility and learn from it. The fear of the inability to cope is the only reason why we cannot accept a bad outcome. If we cannot accept the bad outcomes of our own choices, we can never accept the bad outcome of other’s choices either. In other words, if we cannot respect ourselves and our choices, we cannot respect others and theirs.
~Forgiving others Or forgiving self?~
Usually when we are unforgiving of others, we are unforgiving of the choice they made. But, if somewhere in the back of our minds it clicks that those choices made by them should be respected as much as we’d expect them to respect our good and bad choices, only then will we understand that forgiving others is an illusion and that we are really trying to forgive ourselves for being ignorant of this concept (that we respect others for their choices good and bad as well, just as we expect them to respect ours). Forgiveness is a result of a misconception of trust.
~But what is this painful feeling inside us when someone does something hurtful?~
This painful feeling is the dependence on that person or system for love, attention and fulfilling our expectations . Had we been strong enough to love ourselves instead, fulfill our own needs and give ourselves the attention we deserve, this need or dependence on others would disappear. We would then look at this whole situation very differently. We would see that this person is only making choices that he or she needs while in the process of self discovery. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with only them. When we accept that, we unconditionally love and accept ourselves and unconditionally love and accept them. That’s true love.
However, many of us live outside this reality and play a painful game of master and slave where the slave seeks forgiveness from the master. One needs to remember that a master can control the slave as much as the slave allows the master to control him. The only next step to freedom is self empowerment and that comes with understanding the power of choice. The habit of being unforgiving is a global epidemic and only through the understanding of choice can we be free of the burden we carry.
~Forgiveness in my relationship~
In my personal life a few years ago, I asked for forgiveness from two women I hurt through the choices I made. One of them said, “I will never forgive you for what you did to me,” and the other said “you are forgiven, I love you for who you are irrespective of your choices”. During that time I suffered low self esteem and the source of happiness in my life was the woman who did not forgive me. I never knew how to find happiness within myself and suffered a slave relationship trying to please her. As I grew stronger emotionally and built a healthy self esteem, I realized that I did not need others to forgive me for my choices. My choices were intended to make me happy. If I cannot be happy, I cannot make others happy and hence only through selfishness can come true authentic selflessness. If others cannot understand and respect this, it’s their inability to cope and not mine. I will make others happy only when I find happiness within myself. During that phase, I needed to forgive myself for the bad outcomes of my choices and learn to love myself unconditionally.
The power of forgiveness works at all times and for everyone. Forgive yourself, love yourself unconditionally, and help others heal just as you would heal yourself.
I would recommend two reads that really help.
The Transformative Power of Crisis
Love & Best Wishes!
Filed in Meta-physical Info
Tags: acceptance of self, accepting others, actions, Alter, blame, Chakras, emotional attack, emotional defense, empower, expectation from self, expectations from others, forgive, forgive boyfriend, forgive girlfriend, forgive grudge, forgive husband, forgive others, forgive self, forgive wife, forgive yourself, forgiveness, forgiving others, forgiving yourself, forgivness, forgve, forgveness, Freedom, Gandhi, Gary Zukav, getting offended, grudges, hate to forgive, healing with forgiveness, hold grudges, how do I become a spiritualist, how do others forgive, how do people forgive, how to be happy, how to be happy with forgiveness, how to live a karma free life, in persuit of happiness, in pursuit of happiness, initiation for happiness, karma, karma free, karmic debts, Linda Francis, maslow, maslow's hierarchy of needs, mistakes, reincarnation, respect, self empowerment, self respect, shame, spiritualist forgive, spritualist forgive, The Transformative power of crisis, toxic master slave relationship, true love, unconditional love
August 14, 2008
I walked this path. I trusted her, I lost trust, I questioned trust and understood it.
Its been a long journey but I hope this helps.
I want us to think about the last time we put our trust or faith in someone and for some reason it ended up in a fiasco. I’m sure that we have all gone through this bit of personal regret while trusting others, and I’m even sure that somewhere we tell ourselves never to trust again, especially with matters very close to our heart. Somewhere and somehow we are losing faith in people and humanity in general. In all this, I ask just one question!
~what kind of a lesson is life teaching us about trust?~
The true reality is, we haven’t understood trust the way it really is, just as the many other things that we believe we know everything about. All that bickering, crying and sulking over blaming others might just go up in smoke after this read is complete. Let me make a quick analysis.
~what are we doing when we trust someone?~
We are placing our happiness in their hands. It could be something as simple as asking a friend to keep a secret from others; a rule that this friend now needs to follow. And when they do as we expect them to, we become or remain happy. The minute they let go of that rule or boundary we placed around them, we see them as letting us down and in turn we’re unhappy with them.
To begin with, is it fair that we put a boundary wall around people we care for as friends or family? Or is it us caring for ourselves and expecting them to care for us too? Trade places for a second now; how would we feel if we were made responsible to keep others happy most of the time? (or in other words carry their emotional baggage?) I know that most of us selflessly do it, but even carrying ones own weight gets tiring. Good friends think wisely before burdening others with their weight. When they do, they make it a point to pay back.
~true happiness and misconception of trust~
If we understand that true happiness comes from within ourselves, then we will also understand that the happiness that comes from fulfilling the ‘trust’ bestowed on others is highly superficial. Somewhere even though we may deny it, we are really seeking acceptance and attention from the ones we trust. It has everything to do with making us happy and not them. Further more, the truth of the matter is that we haven’t yet accepted ourselves for who we are. We lack healthy self esteem and we constantly need someone else to fill in our voids. Hence the ‘trust’ we think we know is a pure misconception.
~true trust & faith~
Trust in others is having faith that they will do their best even though they are vulnerable to mistakes like we all are. Its only human to err. We trust that someday they will learn from their mistakes (if they believe its a mistake) and do the best for themselves; and that’s all that matters. Trusting others with something important means that you are happily ready to accept failure when it happens just as much as you would happily accept success. It’s a package deal and anything less is hypocrisy and leads to the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is nothing a but an unhappy seed that arises when trust is misunderstood. More on this in a later post.
~trusting others trails trusting ourselves~
In reality, we need to first trust ourselves to find happiness through a deeper understanding of ourself and not through superficial means. When we lose trust in others, or claim that others have broken our trust, we are really saying that we do not understand the true concept of trust. We have in turn lost trust in ourselves. Its only when we trust ourselves completely, can we trust others with ease. Whatever wrong they do will not affect the true happiness we get from within ourselves. For the fact that every time we superficially trust and it fails us should ring a bell that somewhere we got something figured wrong. Trusting others must never define our happiness; just theirs. Trusting ourselves defines ours.
~what about trusting others to do something I don’t know how to do myself?~
If we want to do something right and its very important to us, its best to do it ourselves. The process of doing it ourselves has many hidden lessons of life. If we don’t know how, we can always learn. If we don’t have the time, we can pay a professional to do it to our expectations. If we just want to find excuses, it boils down to the fact that we don’t trust ourselves enough.
PS. I have faith in you because I have faith in myself. The time to learn is immaterial.
Filed in Meta-physical Info
Tags: acceptance, break trust, broke my trust, broken trust, can't be trusted, Can't trust anymore, cannot be trusted, cannot be trusted anymore, cannot trust people anymore, cannot trust you any more, faith, faith and forgiveness, faith and time, faith in relationships, fake trust, hate and trust, hurt in trust, illusion of faith, illusion of trust, lose faith, lose trust, lost faith in myself, lost faith in people, lost faith in relationships, lost faith in you, lost trust in myself, lost trust in people, love is trust, love unconditionally, lying in trust, no trust left, real trust, self esteem, self esteem and trust, selfish trust, superficial trust, there is no trust for self, true happiness and trust, true meaning of trust, true trust, trust, trust and acceptance, trust and forgiveness, trust and time, trust in friends, trust in relationships, trust is love, trusting family, trusting friends, trusting self before trusting others, voids and trust, wife love unconditionally, without love for self
The reality is, not everyone is spiritually awakened or aware of the highest purpose of self in life. As we continue mundane tasks on a daily basis without question, any attempt to resist dogma usually comes with the usual disapproval. However, for those that have managed to break free from monotony and dared to question with absolutely no fear, it will be to no surprise that answers are available. It’s easy to point out that skeptics still remain unaware of the matrix and constantly battle themselves to prove otherwise. Unfortunately they don’t realize that every battle fought is part of an inner war against acceptance of themselves.
The following terms bear similar meaning with reference to spiritual awakening:
Awakening, Awareness, Conscious, Rising of the Kundalini, Escaping the Matrix, Realization or Enlightenment.
Everyone’s experience of a spiritual awakening is different. Some talk about tingling sensations, some have visions, some fall into trance, some see signs, but it’s very normal when nothing happens except a surge to know more about yourself, life and eternal meaning. Spiritual awakening is nothing but knowing through your own experience that there is more to you and your association with the universal consciousness than you’ve been taught by dogma. This is a very personal experience and not everyone understands it. Also, the signs of awakening to me could be a regular itch in the butt for you. Everyone has a different experience altogether.
Also, check this article out; it has good details.
And as always in the words of Buddha,
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
Filed in Meta-physical Info
Tags: angels and signs, astral, Astral Projection, Awakening, Awareness, conscious, consciousness, dogma, emotions, Enlightenment, Escaping the Matrix, inner self, kundalini, love, meta-physical, metaphysical, metaphysical signs, purpose, purpose in life, purpose on earth, Realization, recurrence of events, Rising of the Kundalini, signs, spirit guardians and signs, spritual awakening, true inner self, tunnel, unconditional love
How are divinations like Astrology, Numerology, I-Ching or Tarot related to Spirituality, Reiki, Holistic healing & the Stock Market?
March 20, 2008
If you’ve read my previous writes on spiritual subjects such as black magic, holistic therapy, spirits & ghosts, but have always wondered about what role divinations like astrology or numerology play in it, this write should spell out some simple explanations.
(this piece of work will be enhanced as thoughts and ideas manifest)
Filed in Meta-physical Info
Tags: astrology, astrology for stock markets, concepts behind divinations, destiny, ghosts, greed, holistic healing, how were divinations created, I-Ching, life path or existential plan, life plan, making money using predictions, money, money and divinations, necromancy, need, no pain no gain, numerology, reiki, self evolution, self evolution using divination, shaman, shamanism, spirit, spiritual, stock market, synchronicity, Tarot, tarot for money