~love just is~

Unless you are a therapist, a spiritualist or someone who has completely understood the way this world revolves, there is a good chance you believe that you have understood ‘love’ but lack ways to easily articulate it. I don’t mean to down play you in any way but I wrote this especially to empower you with thoughts that have been around for generations and ways to explain what love truly is.

Many of us have associated ourselves with love but ever since our teen years we have misunderstood being ‘in love’ with the actual ‘true love’. We can recognize this when we tell our boy-friends or girl-friends that we’re ‘in love’ with them and when they are not around, we get upset; on occasions when they are with others, we compete for attention; and when they do something different from what we like, it troubles us. We even quantify love by saying ‘I love you more than you love me’. While this seems very cute in its own way, there is a big difference between what we express in the relationship and what love really is.

~the real difference~

We have not understood ‘love’ the way it really is but have experienced something called ‘in love’. ‘In Love’ is to receive love from the other person and is a dependence based relationship. In this relationship, we are attached to our own happiness but this happy feeling comes from another person’s presence. This is more obvious when they are not around us. We miss them and feel low. In truth we only miss them for the love that they give to us. By being dependent or attached in a relationship this way, we are setting ourselves up for pain. We resist any attempt to remove this dependence or attachment and we know how hurtful it is when we don’t get what we want from them (its an addiction). We innocently forget about what makes them happy and sometimes we act possessive taking away the space they need. Barely do we realize that these problems are within ourselves first; that we are deficit in some way and that their presence seems to complete us. These people that we depend on for happiness could be anyone, a boy or girlfriend, a best friend or even a role model. But while this may sound wrong or terrible, it really is not. In the real sense of the word, this is a stepping stone to understand how to be emotionally independent and how to truly love. Everyone walks this path.

~true love~

When we truly love someone, we only give love, not expect to receive any. We accept the person for who he or she is. This is the same as the unconditional love we talk about between a mother and her child. There is never a reason; we just love. When the time and person is right, we feel it deep within ourselves and nothing known physically to us can ever explain it. True love or unconditional love is unconditional acceptance of a person no matter what their actions dictate; but it does not mean unconditional acceptance of their actions; just the person. Please don’t read only into that line, there is more. We know that people change and their actions evolve over time. We have faith in them because we see in them a ‘them’ that they themselves cannot see. It’s just a matter of time before they figure themselves out through the many good and bad things they do; and trust me, they will consciously do almost every thing that today’s society or you considers bad. However, Love, in a relationship, is accepting them for who they are while expecting them to be the best they can be for themselves; not for you. Loving them is never about you; its about them. When they want you to let go, let them go, let them grow; your part is done. If you are looking for someone to love you, just remember the quote by Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” & like will attract like. When you learn to love unconditionally, only then you will easily attract another who will love you unconditionally.

~what love isn’t!~

Love isn’t detachment or attachment but a fine balance between the two and knowing when to do either. Love never has reasons; but reasons have love. Love isn’t dependence but freedom to grow. Love isn’t denial but acceptance of self and self emotions. Even hate is love; its someone who’s upset because they didn’t get the love they needed; they are just asking to be loved. Even Jealousy is love, someone wanting the source of love and happiness that you have.
However, due to haste, desperation or just bad sources of information, we remain confused and continue creating reasons for why we should love. Magazines, surveys or compatibility ads are main sources of our wealth of toxic information. Loving someone for a reason is not true love for the other person. Reasons are conditions which when satisfied makes us happy. It just shows that we are in love with that reason and not the person. When we love the reason or that condition, we indicate that we are loving ourselves instead and are trying to make ‘ourselves’ happy; not them. This is the same as making use of them to make us happy; but the reality is that we need to fill our own voids first before we can truly love someone else for who they are. It’s even more scary when we choose to love for a reason and then over time those reasons vanish; and we’d find ourselves hating that same very person. We know this when we use words like, ‘I loved the old you better’. But this is not the end of it all; it’s just one of those jump starts we need.

~how do I learn to truly love someone?~

It’s easier said than done. Learn to love yourself first without going outside for love. When you truly love yourself will you be able to truly love others. There are so many articles on-line that teach us to truly love ourselves. Here are two articles worth reading and two tracks worth listening to.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Love-Yourself-Indulgently-And-Unconditionally&id=781515
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/serendipity/topics/topic016.html
and finally India Arie with her track “Video” (You Tube)
http://www.pandora.com/music/song/india+arie/video
and Whitney Houston with “The Greatest Love of All
They all say one thing. We need to first accept ourselves for the way we are with all the flaws we have. No one is perfect, no one will ever be. Everyone starts from the bottom of the ladder to get to the top with respect to accepting themselves the way they are. Financially rich people face the same problems we do. Underneath all that perfection is always imperfection; behind all the glitz is misery that even money won’t solve. We all walk the same path and help is always there. The best part is that you don’t have to make any sacrifices in loving your self.

~on unconditional love and divorce in non violent relationships~

When we finally learn to love unconditionally, we are much more comfortable in our relationships and we easily accept our other halves as people who are struggling to understand themselves. When a need for a divorce occurs, it would be from their side as they battle to search for their source of true love. True love starts within ourselves and at home; but if a divorce helps, do what it takes to help yourself.

~What is sacrifice? Is it associated with giving up?~

Sacrifice truly means ‘to make sacred’. By giving up something you really want, you are instead only hurting yourself; you are not making any relationship sacred! Even though you may give something up for someone, it is not sacrifice unless you are truly happy inside and without resentment. Anything short of this is truly superficial. Its only after you learn how to truly love yourself, making sacrifices becomes so much easier and accurate to its definition. Let me explain.
Sacrifice is never about giving up happiness but gaining even more happiness for yourself by making others happy. When you unconditionally love others, seeing them happy is what truly makes you happy. If they find happiness in what you have and you truly love them, giving it to them is really easy when you know that your happiness comes from within you and no where else. Sacrifices becomes very simple and no different than a side effect of true love. Sacrifice always originates from self when self is ready and should never be imposed or expected of you.

~when should I not sacrifice?~

When you don’t want to!
The act of sacrifice has been glorified but it has lost its meaning over time and lately associated with giving up for a long term benefit. But there is never any long term benefit gained from performing it in guilt, greed or force. In most cases, follow your instinct; in some where it is confusing, its best to wait and let the passage of time convince you. Do whatever it takes to balance between keeping yourself happy and doing things to keep others happy. Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come from the elders; but in some cases guilt surely does; don’t let them ever guilt you or force you. Draw your boundaries and follow your heart. And for those who prefer to be associated with ‘logic’; follow your mind!

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~define love!~

Love is to accept unconditionally!
I love you = I accept you unconditionally! It is a choice.
I am in love with you = Will you accept me unconditionally?

P.S. “I love you” is “I love you to make you happy” and not “I love you to make me happy”;

tag: Love and Sacrifice Misunderstood

 

Originally posted at evansnf (dot)wordpress(dot) com under Meta-Physical Info

Just like you, I looked everywhere for simple logical answers and not opinions. After months of researching various resources and attending courses, I know I have the simplest answer. All skeptics call these sort of concepts as delusional, paredolia, hallucinatory, illusions, fantasy, dreams and imagination; but if you “believe” or “know” otherwise, here is a short, simple and concise definition.

A ghost or spirit is a mind without or outside a physical body. That’s it.

Spirits, apparitions, angels, psyche, ego, id and souls are the synonyms of the same.

My wife and I deal with these on a daily basis. We have assisted over 50 spirits move into the light or back to source. After 13 years of witnessing my wife’s psychic experience and mediumship, I have been able to completely understand and write about this. The text here is divided into multiple short easy reads.

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~What are they?~
They are earth bound spirits and in almost all cases they were unhappy at the time of their departure. The terminology used to describe them differs in different cultures. They, just like us, are sentient. Each personality is unique just as the different people we know in the physical form.

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~the human concern on ghosts~
Ghosts/spirits have been termed as good & bad by those who are unaware of its lost meaning. Most good spirits are really positive emotion energy sources and parade as guardian angels or spirit guides. They constantly help people evolve into positive minds. These guardian angels or guides could be anyone you have known or not known from your living life. They are there to serve you when you truly make efforts to help yourself or when you need to perform an act of selflessness.
The ones termed bad aren’t really bad in the sense of the word, but just insecure, lost, less evolved and selfish. Some call them energy vampires, evil spirits or versions of Satan or the devil. These negative spirits are usually the dissatisfied ones unconsciously seeking help while in self denial. As they are selfish in their ways, they are easily attracted to selfish acts by you or me. Its the law of attraction: Like attracts like. This is one of the reasons why its wise not to call spirits for personal help unless its an act of selflessness. Your guardian angel may not help you keep them at bay once you receive help from such negative sources. Its a price you pay for being selfish and interfering with the “results” of your actions/karma (i.e. interfering with your destiny). I suggest watching “The Sixth Sense” and paying keen attention to the script. All scripts are written very carefully; each sentence specifically revealing crucial details about the concept. Some Hollywood script writers and movie makers are already aware of this as a reality and quite a few movies have their scripts tuned to put the point across in a subtle format.
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~spirit assistance~
Helping ghosts or spirits move on into the light is quite an age old practice. The easiest of it is achieved by complete spiritual belief in prayers or seances. This is done by praying to your guides or for those who are religious, pray to your version of a “God”. Its best to speak or think with your heart and not with mantras or incantations you barely understand. Your spirit helpers, guides and healers in the astral world (or emotional world) can read your emotions from your prayers even when you think it before they help these lost souls move on. However, if you have discovered your own psychic abilities and have overcome your fear of this unknown, you can assist them in a way as simple as you would help your friends move on in their troubled lives; through talk, empathy, listening, understanding and hope. Most of the time spirits don’t know that they are dead and need help to recognize this. They are just confused, lost and need love. When you feel they are ready, ask them to move into the light. Sometimes some may keep coming back for more help but this requires only additional patience & sensitive nurturing. If you would find yourself being drained, ask other spirit helpers or guides for assistance as well. This can be easily done through emotions and thoughts/prayers. All spirits, especially those seen as evil or bad, need help. Its up to you if you have it in you to help them. If not, no worries, there are plenty who constantly take up the part time task of making this place a more positive environment. There is plenty of reading material on-line on this subject. Google using “spirit assistance”
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~how to see a ghost or spirit~
Ghosts or spirits exist in the astral plane (synonyms: emotional realm, mental plane, ethereal). If you are in touch with your emotions, there is a good chance you can emotionally feel or see their presence (also known as extra sensory perception – ESP). Some appear as auras and some exactly as they might have appeared in the physical. Since we all have minds, it is but logical to be able to meet spirits in the mental plane (an area of debate with skeptics). Some say that you require your minds eye (ajna, third eye, 6th chakra) but it means the same as mind. For the most part, you would need to meditate regularly as a practice. This might also help heighten your physical senses bringing you to one or more of these states:
Clairvoyance: Heightened sense of sight
Clairaudience: Heightened sense of hearing
Clairgustance: Heightened sense of taste
Clairscent or Clairalience: Heightened sense of smell
Clairtangency or scrying: Heightened sense of touch
Clairsentience: Heightened sense of knowing how you feel
Clairempathy: Heightened sense of knowing how others feel
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~How to be a ghost or a spirit?~
You already are one since you possess a mind; but in the true sense of it all, please do a course in Vipassana to see the world like it is. This will help not just heighten your senses, but will also teach you how to have an out of body experience (astral projection). In this state, you will be completely conscious outside your physical body with abilities beyond experience. There are plenty of other courses available and I know some are taught by the International Academy of Consciousness and The Monroe Institute of Hemi Sync Research.
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~How do people become ghosts?~
Based on plain physical human knowledge, ghosts or spirits are the astral/emotional remains of what used to be the person in the human physical projection; but the reality is that the physical is just a temporary projection (or presence) to aid in learning the concepts of true satisfaction. The astral/spirit world is our real home and the astral body (mind), the real body. The physical plane is just a school of learning. We incarnate a number of times to complete our karmic tasks as students or teachers. You’d be surprised to know that you have many ghosts of your own past lives. These are normally termed as past life egos and predominantly take control of your life as you live this one out. Its easily noticeable especially when your behavior is out of control and you have no clue or realization on why you behaved so bad. Past Life Regressionists usually refer to these events as reliving emotions from your past life. Google on karmic groups for additional information or just read the book “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Dr. Brian Weiss.
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~Rituals to get rid of evil spirits~
Every ancient culture has it. There are incantations, incense sticks, yagnas or yajnas, candles, exorcisms, smudging with dried sage, cauldrons, silver bullets, crosses, herbs, etc, you name it. The rituals are aplenty, you can buy a mask in Africa or place a black dot or eye in India to ward off nazar or evil spirits. What I am about to say will be a bit far fetched if you haven’t researched the concepts of the consciousness, astral realms, out of body experiences or near death experiences. These rituals come from age old traditions that are active in universes other than our own physical universe. Within the astral realm, there are parallel worlds where souls live the same way we do. For them, their life is equally physical as we live ours but their laws of physics differ. Their laws may involve telekinesis or magic wands or communication like telepathy. These rituals we perform originate from those worlds. It comes to us through people from those worlds who incarnate into ours or from people who astral project into that realm. (Astral project is to put your mind into a form of trance which some people refer to as OBE or out of body experience. This projection, like they do in the movie Matrix while sitting in their chairs, helps you visit other worlds that we usually deem as fantasies. )
Within the physical realm, these rituals do no actual good except soothe your mind into a belief that everything is fine. Its important to note that the end goal is peace of mind and this can be achieved even without rituals. The next time you run around warding off spirits with symbols of religion in your hand or screaming prayers, do remember that there are simpler ways to help them leave; ask spirit guides for assistance or channel to them with positive thoughts and persistent empathy. I just hope that spirit is not related to you from your past or present life. It would be really tough if you would have to pay karmic debts by constantly or unwillingly helping them.
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how do ouija boards or seances (séances) work?
When spirits are called to answer questions using ouija boards or seances, in every case, the spirit is either hosted by one of the members pushing the planchette or the spirit assists in its movement. This person could temporarily pose as a spirit medium and in some selfish cases, spirits drains them out of their energies for days or months. If you jumped straight to this section, do read about the ‘human concerns on ghost’. For more on ouija, try Wikipedia.
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~what is paranormal?~
Anything outside the laws of physics is considered paranormal. The mind is one example of the paranormal even though we all have one and its quite normal. Minds do not follow laws of physics and hence poses a real problem for skeptics and researchers. Traditionally speaking, the paranormal is what cannot be physically sensed by majority of humans or physical instruments. Emotions are what I have found out that exists under the general categorization of paranormality. Ghosts, angels, demons etc are all minds with emotions and hence emotions itself. You won’t find this specific explanation anywhere online.
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~Skeptics: Spirits & Ghosts on Camera~
There are plenty of picture and video galleries available on-line where sightings have been displayed. But lets be honest, for skeptics, be it any skeptic, until they witness it in person to a convincing degree, they will not yield. Trusting other’s experience is something skeptics have not been able accept; its a fair justification. All afterlife experiences are meant to be personal and individualistic. Its a starting point to understanding that there is more beyond the everyday rut and to understand that you are not here by accident, that you have a purpose in this lifetime with karmic duties towards close friends and family. Spirit sightings are well meant to awaken these thoughts.
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But are they really visible on camera?
The answer is:
Only if they want to be seen in that way and know how to project into the physical. There are various reasons for why they may make their physical presence felt.

They are related to you in some way and trying to talk to you
A past life or current life karma with them could need closure
To awaken your curiosity about the afterlife
To have you question traditional dogmas and doctrines
To have you question gaps in science itself
To have you question life in its biggest picture
To ask the really big questions!

There are plenty of reasons and you need to find that specific one.

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~Physics and the Astral Realms~
First, the words astral, emotional, mental and ethereal are synonyms as per my research work. Not everyone may agree.
Ghosts/minds/spirits in general cannot be sensed by physical objects unless they project into the physical at will. When I say project, I mean making themselves available at physical frequencies detectable by physical instruments. All forms of physical instruments render useless if a spirit does not wish to be noticed. This is one of the main reasons that hunting the physical realm for something that is mental is always never accurate or reproduce-able. The emotional or mental realm can only be accurately researched using mental or emotional means.

Further Reading:
Here’s a link to Paranormal Terminology & thanks to a reader: a link to more terminology @ psychic-junkie.com

Here’s another one on how to spot a fake psychic. and one on the 5 Biggest Mistakes when selecting a Psychic

Finding True Self

January 8, 2008

I was thrilled today when I bumped into this piece of advice. Here’s the entire conversation.
Beignet:
” How do you know when you are following your true self? In your book “Book of Secrets” you say that you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel doubt. That is much easier said than done. I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life. Spiritually, professionally, and personally. I feel restless, confused, and sad. I am searching for my true self and am not finding answers.

How does a person know they are on the right path?”

gypster, a member of the forum did an exemplary job replying to this question… here’s what he wrote!

gypster2004
Dear Beignet,
While I am not Dr. Chopra, I feel I am qualified enough to have something for you. Please read and take from it what you wish and leave the rest behind if it does not resonate with you.Your true self is that of absolute unconditional love. This is no easy task, as it takes practice, patience, forgiveness, discernment and diligence to form new thought patterns in the mind. But the road gets less bumpy as you go along, and the signs ever more familiar.You can begin by fostering grace, gratitude, poise and most of all FAITH in the FACT that most of what you see happening outside of you is really within you and a direct result of your thoughts and more so your -intentions-. When you see the world through this new, empowered vantage point, you will begin (hopefully) embracing the good things that happen as well as the bad. Yes, the bad, too. For these experiences give you something that’s not always seen in lieu of the circumstance itself. It is said that we achieve the greatest personal growth in our darkest times. So have faith in your progress, even now, no matter how sad or confused you may feel, because generally you get what you ask for in life. If you ask for answers, they miraculously come. If you ask for help, it comes too. But if you FOCUS on the situations that make you feel certain ways, and allow yourself to feel pity, look back with regret or look ahead with doubt you will most certainly create similar situations in your life ahead.Again, practice is the key. Discernment and attention to your inner dialogs (yes, dialogs!) is just one step in the process. Then comes a CHOICE. Once you’ve realized, “Hey, I’m thinking _____!”, you must then decide and discern whether or not this is the highest, the most unconditionally loving thought you can have at your current point in time. If it is, keep it. Now if it’s not, decide right then to think another way. Open yourself to the myriad of possibilities of ways to look at something and exhaust them, one by one, till you find one that is MOST RESONANT with Love.Many people are confused about unconditional love. And some people are afraid of it. Some think it’s boring or powerless. Let me tell you something, it is NONE of the above. Throw out your preconceived notions about unconditional love and think of the times in your life when you have FELT it. You have, I can guarantee it. Think of your mom, your dad, your puppy, your cat. Think of all the people or animals who love you no matter what. See past disappointment if there are momentary bouts. Disappointment is always temporary and is NOT the same as hate, fear, etc to the ones who love you unconditionally.

Now let these people/animals be mirrors to yourself. Observe yourself in them. Allow your memory to guide you, to serve you and reflect upon these experiences. The answers are there. Trust this, trust yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself.

This is something on a different definition than romantic or passionate love. You can feel these things, too, but NEVER confuse them. Unconditional Love is acceptance of all things and people in your life, regardless of their facade. People, adults especially, are often very difficult to love unconditionally. Often we are flared up and hurt, angered or saddened by their victim or saboteur archetype within. To accept them is to look past this (and not necessarily allow them to keep harming us) and see to the source of their actions, which is always FEAR-based. But stay your judgments. Watch those judgments. Observe how they make you feel. Do they resonate with Unconditional Love? Ask yourself over and over if necessary. Answers will come. The same goes for things and situations in your life, not only people. Always question what your judgments are doing to your feelings and then once you recognize them, make a choice right then to begin thinking in ways that are more towards Unconditional Love. Once judgment is removed from the picture, once can then begin to see the TRUE self and the RADIANCE of selfless Love.

Apply this to all things in your life. Omit judgment in it’s many forms from your thoughts. It starts with observance of the mind’s chatter, then with decisions. It’s a process, allow it’s flow and take one thing at a time. You are progressing as long as you are making these choices.

It’s ok to feel sad or feel loss at times. Just let yourself feel those feelings and let them pass without attaching to them. That’s very important. Don’t attach. Then, use the memory to reflect upon the experience. What can be learned? Was I loving unconditionally in that moment? Was I loving to myself? Was I being judgmental? Draw wisdom from every experience and you will do right for yourself always.

Most importantly, HAVE FAITH in your progress. I can’t say this enough.

Best wishes and much Love.

I am happy to discuss this further if you wish.

Beignet
Thank you gypster.
Unconditional love is difficult…much more difficult than I realized. Especially giving yourself unconditional love.
Attaching is another difficult concept. Everything that happens around us feels personal. Like it is “about” us when often times it isn’t. I do have to learn to let go.
Thank you for your words. I will consider them carefully.
gypster2004
Dear Beignet,
Remove “difficult”, “have to”, “want to” and “going to” from your vocabulary. Instead, affirm that you ARE unconditionally loving already. That’s the fact. While you can’t take the drop of water out of the ocean and still call it the ocean, you can in fact see it is made up of the same “stuff” as the ocean, only in minuscule form. It is an inescapable fact that you are already everything that you wish to be including Unconditionally Loving.You can conceptualize driving to the store, or building a fence or whatever. But will conceptualizing actually GET you to the store or result in a fence being built? Absolutely not. It takes action, which is the application of knowledge. Once you KNOW the way to go to the store or how to build that fence, the next natural course of action is to drive there or build it. Otherwise nothing manifests into reality as a result of knowledge.Make a pact with yourself that you will not take things personally and that you are able to let go with ease. Write yourself notes, keep a copy of it on your person at all times. Keep all of your affirmations near you so that you can throughout the day take them out and read them silently or aloud. “Every time I take something personally or find myself acting unloving to myself or others I will take this list out and read it or at least remember each item on the list. I will remind myself of these affirmations every time I find myself mired in such ways.” Read the list several times a day, including in the morning and at night. I’ve taped stuff to my mirror so I am sure to see them. Most importantly, have gratitude for this process and for everything you have in your life. You truly are blessed.Love and Light.
Source: http://www.deepakchopra.com/forums/topic.php?id=21&page