If someone told you that you must be selfless and not selfish, they are wrong. If they tell you that you need to figure out and take care of all your needs first before you can be there for others; they are very close to being right. The actuality is finding a balance across time to be selfish and selfless. Sometimes you have to do what’s right for yourself and sometimes without hesitation you do what you think is right for others. This is the place to be; the balance.

Here’s my personal account…
It took me about two years from the time I decided to love myself unconditionally till I discovered how I could be truly selfless towards others. I saw this as a move from being selfish to selfless. I started by demanding that others love and accept me for who I was, just like what my mom would do for me. But most of all, I wanted this special someone to accept me as is, for my mistakes, my flaws and my foolishness; to love me for me and not for what I do or say.
With this big expectation that seemed quite easy for others, I was missing a big reality.
The chances of this happening the way I expected was not in my favor. I was battling time and patience.

~The Secret (movie)~

Around this period the inspirational movie – ‘The Secret’ made waves. But as much as it had its media and skeptic back lash, I found a value in the law of attraction i.e. ‘Like attracts like’; the concept of compatibility.
I asked myself ‘what was it that I wanted to attract?’
I wanted others to love me unconditionally just as I love myself. That’s all.

Then it hit me…
In order to be loved and accepted by others unconditionally, I had to first love and accept them unconditionally, i.e. I had to be like them to attract them.

It was a tough thought to accept for the longest time. I didn’t need to consciously apply this to my parents while I was younger; but I guess I always accepted them unconditionally without knowing. And now, to be compatible with this new breed of people, I had to become those qualities that I wanted from them. It seemed to follow the age old wisdom that ‘I have to give love to get love in return’ or ‘Giving away something from your closet to make room for something new.’

~Unselfish Moral Obligations v/s Selfish Heart’s Desire~

From the kind of society we come from and with the constant battles we fight within ourselves and outside, it is a bit difficult to be truly unselfish without understanding or taking help from any source. Even though we try to listen closely to our conscience, we confuse ourselves over moral obligations. Its very unfair that we argue ourselves over what we morally ‘ought’ to do versus what we desire to do. Some moral duties as taught to us by parents and society are the most heart breaking of them all. To make things worse, we sometimes hear disheartening and un-supportive statements from them when we divert away from our moral obligations. We silently punish ourselves by thinking how cruel and un-sacrificial we really are even though we did it in innocence for ourselves.

Here’s a list of popular taunts from my hay days ;-):
You are self centered.
Its all about you.
All you think and care about is yourself.
You are selfish.
You always have vested interests.
You always want something.

Here’s another list of what I secretly tell myself but I deny being it when others question me!
What am I going to get from this?
How am I going to gain if I help others?
What is in it for me?
What’s the point if I get nothing in return?

These are just normal behaviors found in most people who have been trying to help themselves by unconditionally loving themselves. It sounds a bit superficial when I say it but unless they completely help themselves, they cannot help others. What can I offer you if I can’t offer much to myself?

~finding that balance~

When I learned how to balance a bicycle, I’ve noticed that I fell at least once to the left and once to the right. It seemed natural to tip, twist & turn before balancing myself right. Only when I learned and realized the extremities of these 2 ends, that I slowly wavered to a center point decreasing my chances of error. This comes with practice, sheer determination and the understanding that I don’t have to be perfect to appreciate my constant efforts.
I don’t race against time, but I take my time. The same applies to finding a balance between selflessness and selfishness. As long as you are on the earth plane, you have to find a balance between the two. You cannot sustain being entirely selfless or selfish. Experience both extremities before finding what you like. In all cases, humans in general are naturally selfless most of the time as well as naturally confused about it ;). but as always you are the best judge to know what is a good balance for you.

Most people bounce between these two extremities (selfless and selfish).
As they confuse themselves over it, they tend to make life miserable for the ones they love but worse off, they make life miserable for themselves. If they can successfully understand what they are doing wrong, the only way is up!

~Unselfish with resentment aka Miss Doormat~
This is denial at its best. Miss Doormat is a person who loves to help but doesn’t know how to stop and where to draw the line. She needs to learn to help herself instead; she needs to know ‘when’ to say ‘No’ and when to say ‘Yes’. Without this, Miss Doormat is constantly denying herself the love and respect she deserves. I’ve seen my friends behave like doormats and it really upsets me to see them the way they are without seeking help. Worse off, they mostly get bad advice from very helpful friends who are clueless themselves.

~Selfishness with resentment/guilt~
When you recognize that you are selfish, you do so because you have the opposing desire to be what comes to you naturally; i.e. the act of being selfless. The only way to dissolve the guilt and resentment is to understand a certain reality. A reality that ‘you cannot give what you do not have enough of’, ‘you cannot make others happy if you are unhappy’ and that ‘you cannot love others if you cannot love yourself first’. You will also be the best judge to know when you are ready for this selfless leap. Morality is just a road block to attaining high levels of spirituality i.e. your best possible you.

From Miss Doormat’s point of view, she could be making efforts to say ‘No’ and help herself instead. Being in this new place, she may be confused with certain realities. She may be overly uncomfortable with being ‘not nice’ as she may see it. She may worry about what others think about her instead of what she thinks about herself. But putting others aside, if she recognizes herself to feel slightly good about being selfish, its a good thing, a time of self healing. Once she masters this state, she can progress to higher grounds of balance.

~Selfishness without resentment~
If you can be selfish without resentment without publicly denying it, it would be a good state to be in (on one condition). You would need to be truthful about it and make it clear to others that you are what you are i.e. self-centered. A bold statement like this is usually appreciated and well reciprocated. Either way, this stage is a definite stepping stone to finding a good balance. The best judge to know when you are ready to be a bit selfless is you.

~Un-Selfish without resentment~
People at this level are usually the spiritually evolved. I have a set of friends who I thought were like doormats but they never resented giving away what they had. In fact it didn’t really affect them if someone walked away thinking that they took advantage of them. They seemed to do this consciously with absolutely no resentment. But as much as it bothered me initially, I realized that every action they performed was equal to the weathering of rocks. It may not be visible today, but overtime it will weather even the strongest and biggest of stone hearts. They are ‘Time Surfers’ and made time their friend. They understand death, concepts of re-incarnation and the afterlife. They are my teachers in this lifetime and I realize that my life on earth is a like being in school. I am still learning.

I hope this helps you as much as it helped it me during my time of need.
Love & Peace out!

This particular write serves better as a continuation from the previous read on Trust and Faith Misunderstood.

With the amount of mistakes I constantly made, I know I had many opportunities to understand trust and forgiveness through the pain, frustration and guilt in my life. At this point today, I believe in this quote: ‘If you haven’t made any mistakes, you haven’t taken enough risks.’ And I would have learned nothing.

It’s from these many learning opportunities I realized that if we have to forgive someone or carry a grudge, it is we who carry the emotional baggage and not them. When we truly forgive someone, it is we who feel really light hearted. They on the other hand have the choice to care less or help us heal. And as painful and heavy this is, there are ways to feel lighter without having to deal with the person or system we believe created this painful situation. Life teaches us lessons in unexpected ways and sadly this is one of them. If you are at this juncture, its also quite clear that the concepts of trust and faith have been misunderstood leading to this hurtful emotion.
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~Crossing a boundary?~

While somewhere we believe that some of our limits/boundaries have been crossed, some of us still keep the courage to do the right thing. In this article I will try to logically present the answer you are looking for with the best possible forms of reason. The concept of forgiveness is something that even people with healthy self esteem tend to confuse and struggle over. Bear with me as I demonstrate the ‘act of being unforgiving towards others’ is really an illusion and were are truly unforgiving of ourselves instead. It is then not ‘our’ boundary wall that they cross but it is the boundary wall we put around them that they cross. I will start with the basics of choice as the fundamentals to this understanding.
PS. I will not attempt to justify any form of forgiveness towards physical abuse at this time. But for those desperately seeking answers here, please read up on Past Life Karmas and Life Path to understand the holistic purpose of this act
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~Choice~

We all make choices. Some of us know the outcome and hence make informed choices. Some, on the other hand (mostly wishful thinkers), make choices with the expectation of a positive outcome, ignoring the other hurtful possibilities. The more experienced on the other hand makes a conscious choice after accepting the possibility of a bad outcome while hoping for the good. These are common in the stock market where a sensible investor takes a loss in the same spirit as he would take a profit. With every choice comes emotional responsibility for its outcome no matter how bad or good it maybe.

~Mutual Respect~

We also expect others to respect our good and bad choices just as we respect theirs; especially their bad ones. A parent disapproving their daughter’s choices of a boyfriend in a dating scene usually results in the daughter being upset over it. She expects her parents to respect her choices just as she respects theirs. She expects that they trust her with the knowledge they themselves educated her with. Without mutual respect there is no healthy relationship.
In this personal journey of self discovery, everyone has the freedom to make mistakes, take responsibility and learn from it. The fear of the inability to cope is the only reason why we cannot accept a bad outcome. If we cannot accept the bad outcomes of our own choices, we can never accept the bad outcome of other’s choices either. In other words, if we cannot respect ourselves and our choices, we cannot respect others and theirs.

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~Forgiving others Or forgiving self?~

Usually when we are unforgiving of others, we are unforgiving of the choice they made. But, if somewhere in the back of our minds it clicks that those choices made by them should be respected as much as we’d expect them to respect our good and bad choices, only then will we understand that forgiving others is an illusion and that we are really trying to forgive ourselves for being ignorant of this concept (that we respect others for their choices good and bad as well, just as we expect them to respect ours). Forgiveness is a result of a misconception of trust.
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~But what is this painful feeling inside us when someone does something hurtful?~

This painful feeling is the dependence on that person or system for love, attention and fulfilling our expectations . Had we been strong enough to love ourselves instead, fulfill our own needs and give ourselves the attention we deserve, this need or dependence on others would disappear. We would then look at this whole situation very differently. We would see that this person is only making choices that he or she needs while in the process of self discovery. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with only them. When we accept that, we unconditionally love and accept ourselves and unconditionally love and accept them. That’s true love.

~Empower Yourself~

However, many of us live outside this reality and play a painful game of master and slave where the slave seeks forgiveness from the master. One needs to remember that a master can control the slave as much as the slave allows the master to control him. The only next step to freedom is self empowerment and that comes with understanding the power of choice. The habit of being unforgiving is a global epidemic and only through the understanding of choice can we be free of the burden we carry.
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~Forgiveness in my relationship~

In my personal life a few years ago, I asked for forgiveness from two women I hurt through the choices I made. One of them said, “I will never forgive you for what you did to me,” and the other said “you are forgiven, I love you for who you are irrespective of your choices”. During that time I suffered low self esteem and the source of happiness in my life was the woman who did not forgive me. I never knew how to find happiness within myself and suffered a slave relationship trying to please her. As I grew stronger emotionally and built a healthy self esteem, I realized that I did not need others to forgive me for my choices. My choices were intended to make me happy. If I cannot be happy, I cannot make others happy and hence only through selfishness can come true authentic selflessness. If others cannot understand and respect this, it’s their inability to cope and not mine. I will make others happy only when I find happiness within myself. During that phase, I needed to forgive myself for the bad outcomes of my choices and learn to love myself unconditionally.

The power of forgiveness works at all times and for everyone. Forgive yourself, love yourself unconditionally, and help others heal just as you would heal yourself.

I would recommend two reads that really help.
The Transformative Power of Crisis

& Self Empowerment by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis

Love & Best Wishes!

~love just is~

Unless you are a therapist, a spiritualist or someone who has completely understood the way this world revolves, there is a good chance you believe that you have understood ‘love’ but lack ways to easily articulate it. I don’t mean to down play you in any way but I wrote this especially to empower you with thoughts that have been around for generations and ways to explain what love truly is.

Many of us have associated ourselves with love but ever since our teen years we have misunderstood being ‘in love’ with the actual ‘true love’. We can recognize this when we tell our boy-friends or girl-friends that we’re ‘in love’ with them and when they are not around, we get upset; on occasions when they are with others, we compete for attention; and when they do something different from what we like, it troubles us. We even quantify love by saying ‘I love you more than you love me’. While this seems very cute in its own way, there is a big difference between what we express in the relationship and what love really is.

~the real difference~

We have not understood ‘love’ the way it really is but have experienced something called ‘in love’. ‘In Love’ is to receive love from the other person and is a dependence based relationship. In this relationship, we are attached to our own happiness but this happy feeling comes from another person’s presence. This is more obvious when they are not around us. We miss them and feel low. In truth we only miss them for the love that they give to us. By being dependent or attached in a relationship this way, we are setting ourselves up for pain. We resist any attempt to remove this dependence or attachment and we know how hurtful it is when we don’t get what we want from them (its an addiction). We innocently forget about what makes them happy and sometimes we act possessive taking away the space they need. Barely do we realize that these problems are within ourselves first; that we are deficit in some way and that their presence seems to complete us. These people that we depend on for happiness could be anyone, a boy or girlfriend, a best friend or even a role model. But while this may sound wrong or terrible, it really is not. In the real sense of the word, this is a stepping stone to understand how to be emotionally independent and how to truly love. Everyone walks this path.

~true love~

When we truly love someone, we only give love, not expect to receive any. We accept the person for who he or she is. This is the same as the unconditional love we talk about between a mother and her child. There is never a reason; we just love. When the time and person is right, we feel it deep within ourselves and nothing known physically to us can ever explain it. True love or unconditional love is unconditional acceptance of a person no matter what their actions dictate; but it does not mean unconditional acceptance of their actions; just the person. Please don’t read only into that line, there is more. We know that people change and their actions evolve over time. We have faith in them because we see in them a ‘them’ that they themselves cannot see. It’s just a matter of time before they figure themselves out through the many good and bad things they do; and trust me, they will consciously do almost every thing that today’s society or you considers bad. However, Love, in a relationship, is accepting them for who they are while expecting them to be the best they can be for themselves; not for you. Loving them is never about you; its about them. When they want you to let go, let them go, let them grow; your part is done. If you are looking for someone to love you, just remember the quote by Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” & like will attract like. When you learn to love unconditionally, only then you will easily attract another who will love you unconditionally.

~what love isn’t!~

Love isn’t detachment or attachment but a fine balance between the two and knowing when to do either. Love never has reasons; but reasons have love. Love isn’t dependence but freedom to grow. Love isn’t denial but acceptance of self and self emotions. Even hate is love; its someone who’s upset because they didn’t get the love they needed; they are just asking to be loved. Even Jealousy is love, someone wanting the source of love and happiness that you have.
However, due to haste, desperation or just bad sources of information, we remain confused and continue creating reasons for why we should love. Magazines, surveys or compatibility ads are main sources of our wealth of toxic information. Loving someone for a reason is not true love for the other person. Reasons are conditions which when satisfied makes us happy. It just shows that we are in love with that reason and not the person. When we love the reason or that condition, we indicate that we are loving ourselves instead and are trying to make ‘ourselves’ happy; not them. This is the same as making use of them to make us happy; but the reality is that we need to fill our own voids first before we can truly love someone else for who they are. It’s even more scary when we choose to love for a reason and then over time those reasons vanish; and we’d find ourselves hating that same very person. We know this when we use words like, ‘I loved the old you better’. But this is not the end of it all; it’s just one of those jump starts we need.

~how do I learn to truly love someone?~

It’s easier said than done. Learn to love yourself first without going outside for love. When you truly love yourself will you be able to truly love others. There are so many articles on-line that teach us to truly love ourselves. Here are two articles worth reading and two tracks worth listening to.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Love-Yourself-Indulgently-And-Unconditionally&id=781515
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/serendipity/topics/topic016.html
and finally India Arie with her track “Video” (You Tube)
http://www.pandora.com/music/song/india+arie/video
and Whitney Houston with “The Greatest Love of All
They all say one thing. We need to first accept ourselves for the way we are with all the flaws we have. No one is perfect, no one will ever be. Everyone starts from the bottom of the ladder to get to the top with respect to accepting themselves the way they are. Financially rich people face the same problems we do. Underneath all that perfection is always imperfection; behind all the glitz is misery that even money won’t solve. We all walk the same path and help is always there. The best part is that you don’t have to make any sacrifices in loving your self.

~on unconditional love and divorce in non violent relationships~

When we finally learn to love unconditionally, we are much more comfortable in our relationships and we easily accept our other halves as people who are struggling to understand themselves. When a need for a divorce occurs, it would be from their side as they battle to search for their source of true love. True love starts within ourselves and at home; but if a divorce helps, do what it takes to help yourself.

~What is sacrifice? Is it associated with giving up?~

Sacrifice truly means ‘to make sacred’. By giving up something you really want, you are instead only hurting yourself; you are not making any relationship sacred! Even though you may give something up for someone, it is not sacrifice unless you are truly happy inside and without resentment. Anything short of this is truly superficial. Its only after you learn how to truly love yourself, making sacrifices becomes so much easier and accurate to its definition. Let me explain.
Sacrifice is never about giving up happiness but gaining even more happiness for yourself by making others happy. When you unconditionally love others, seeing them happy is what truly makes you happy. If they find happiness in what you have and you truly love them, giving it to them is really easy when you know that your happiness comes from within you and no where else. Sacrifices becomes very simple and no different than a side effect of true love. Sacrifice always originates from self when self is ready and should never be imposed or expected of you.

~when should I not sacrifice?~

When you don’t want to!
The act of sacrifice has been glorified but it has lost its meaning over time and lately associated with giving up for a long term benefit. But there is never any long term benefit gained from performing it in guilt, greed or force. In most cases, follow your instinct; in some where it is confusing, its best to wait and let the passage of time convince you. Do whatever it takes to balance between keeping yourself happy and doing things to keep others happy. Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come from the elders; but in some cases guilt surely does; don’t let them ever guilt you or force you. Draw your boundaries and follow your heart. And for those who prefer to be associated with ‘logic’; follow your mind!

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~define love!~

Love is to accept unconditionally!
I love you = I accept you unconditionally! It is a choice.
I am in love with you = Will you accept me unconditionally?

P.S. “I love you” is “I love you to make you happy” and not “I love you to make me happy”;

tag: Love and Sacrifice Misunderstood

 

The reality is, not everyone is spiritually awakened or aware of the highest purpose of self in life. As we continue mundane tasks on a daily basis without question, any attempt to resist dogma usually comes with the usual disapproval. However, for those that have managed to break free from monotony and dared to question with absolutely no fear, it will be to no surprise that answers are available. It’s easy to point out that skeptics still remain unaware of the matrix and constantly battle themselves to prove otherwise. Unfortunately they don’t realize that every battle fought is part of an inner war against acceptance of themselves.

The following terms bear similar meaning with reference to spiritual awakening:
Awakening, Awareness, Conscious, Rising of the Kundalini, Escaping the Matrix, Realization or Enlightenment.

 

~what does it feel like to be spiritually awakened or enlightened?~
In all cases whether you are a believer of a higher power or not, there comes a time in your life when certain events absolutely convince you to realize otherwise. This is where you are on the verge of a complete spiritual awakening. A lot many strengthen their belief in the traditional version of a separate ‘God’, but for those who believe that there is more to this, read on. 

Everyone’s experience of a spiritual awakening is different. Some talk about tingling sensations, some have visions, some fall into trance, some see signs, but it’s very normal when nothing happens except a surge to know more about yourself, life and eternal meaning. Spiritual awakening is nothing but knowing through your own experience that there is more to you and your association with the universal consciousness than you’ve been taught by dogma. This is a very personal experience and not everyone understands it. Also, the signs of awakening to me could be a regular itch in the butt for you. Everyone has a different experience altogether.

 

 

 

~the other end of the spiritual awakening tunnel~
If you are impatient to know what the other end is like, you will be in for a bit of a surprise. To be spiritually awakened and active leaves you in a state of giving instead of wanting, a state of peace where your mind is relaxed and secured. By this time you would have realized what unconditional love is; you will find your true inner self and your purpose in this universe, specifically this lifetime. You will understand & accept that life is planned and not as uncertain as you once thought it to be. You develop strong qualities of kindness, compassion, empathy & acceptance. You help more, you care more, you appreciate more and you wish for nothing in return. Incidentally, all that you need will fall into your lap as you work your way to help others. Some grow out of the 5 physical senses and become truly multi sensory leading to astral projection and exploration of parallel universes, after life, past life, etc while the rest live grounded in the physical universe helping everyone local. This is something that I’ve been focusing on doing in a non intrusive way. Over time you will find your true purpose and the way in which it unveils. Hang in there.

 

~what are signs in the spiritual sense?~
I’m referring to signs from the meta-physical world that continue to re-affirm us as we glide on our karmic path (your destined path). Some consider signs are random events that we connect to make ourselves feel better, but a true spiritualist sees these as confirmations and assurances of successful karmas. It starts off as subtle messages from your spirit guardians or angels in the form of thoughts. These thoughts bring focus on a specific event with relevance to your personal life. I’ve had interesting experiences where even a word in a message suddenly stands out to relate to something close to my heart. Some signs are re-occurence of numbers, events, names, people etc. Signs come in various ways and will only make itself obvious when you least expect it. Apart from personal experience, I would suggest to watch the movie ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’ and the part where the bird in the house poops on the main actress Diane Lane (Frances). This was a sign to the owner that Frances was the right person to sell the house to. There have been plenty such events in my life to reassure me of the concept, but when I constantly look out for them, they do not show up! Patience is a virtue.

 

~events occurring twice~
Another part of the enlightenment process that was quite visible to me was the experience that certain very specific events occur twice. I haven’t been able to understand it completely, but I have a good feeling that its related to reversing karma in a way to re-experience it all over again. To me, its like a second chance to relive it and do it right. I remembered the movie “Click” and the Universal Remote, and how Adam Sandler gets his second chance. Figuring this one out is going to take a while.

 

Also, check this article out; it has good details.
http://www.livinginmyownworld.com/50-signs-of-spiritual-awakening/

And as always in the words of Buddha,
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

 

Finding True Self

January 8, 2008

I was thrilled today when I bumped into this piece of advice. Here’s the entire conversation.
Beignet:
” How do you know when you are following your true self? In your book “Book of Secrets” you say that you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel doubt. That is much easier said than done. I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life. Spiritually, professionally, and personally. I feel restless, confused, and sad. I am searching for my true self and am not finding answers.

How does a person know they are on the right path?”

gypster, a member of the forum did an exemplary job replying to this question… here’s what he wrote!

gypster2004
Dear Beignet,
While I am not Dr. Chopra, I feel I am qualified enough to have something for you. Please read and take from it what you wish and leave the rest behind if it does not resonate with you.Your true self is that of absolute unconditional love. This is no easy task, as it takes practice, patience, forgiveness, discernment and diligence to form new thought patterns in the mind. But the road gets less bumpy as you go along, and the signs ever more familiar.You can begin by fostering grace, gratitude, poise and most of all FAITH in the FACT that most of what you see happening outside of you is really within you and a direct result of your thoughts and more so your -intentions-. When you see the world through this new, empowered vantage point, you will begin (hopefully) embracing the good things that happen as well as the bad. Yes, the bad, too. For these experiences give you something that’s not always seen in lieu of the circumstance itself. It is said that we achieve the greatest personal growth in our darkest times. So have faith in your progress, even now, no matter how sad or confused you may feel, because generally you get what you ask for in life. If you ask for answers, they miraculously come. If you ask for help, it comes too. But if you FOCUS on the situations that make you feel certain ways, and allow yourself to feel pity, look back with regret or look ahead with doubt you will most certainly create similar situations in your life ahead.Again, practice is the key. Discernment and attention to your inner dialogs (yes, dialogs!) is just one step in the process. Then comes a CHOICE. Once you’ve realized, “Hey, I’m thinking _____!”, you must then decide and discern whether or not this is the highest, the most unconditionally loving thought you can have at your current point in time. If it is, keep it. Now if it’s not, decide right then to think another way. Open yourself to the myriad of possibilities of ways to look at something and exhaust them, one by one, till you find one that is MOST RESONANT with Love.Many people are confused about unconditional love. And some people are afraid of it. Some think it’s boring or powerless. Let me tell you something, it is NONE of the above. Throw out your preconceived notions about unconditional love and think of the times in your life when you have FELT it. You have, I can guarantee it. Think of your mom, your dad, your puppy, your cat. Think of all the people or animals who love you no matter what. See past disappointment if there are momentary bouts. Disappointment is always temporary and is NOT the same as hate, fear, etc to the ones who love you unconditionally.

Now let these people/animals be mirrors to yourself. Observe yourself in them. Allow your memory to guide you, to serve you and reflect upon these experiences. The answers are there. Trust this, trust yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself.

This is something on a different definition than romantic or passionate love. You can feel these things, too, but NEVER confuse them. Unconditional Love is acceptance of all things and people in your life, regardless of their facade. People, adults especially, are often very difficult to love unconditionally. Often we are flared up and hurt, angered or saddened by their victim or saboteur archetype within. To accept them is to look past this (and not necessarily allow them to keep harming us) and see to the source of their actions, which is always FEAR-based. But stay your judgments. Watch those judgments. Observe how they make you feel. Do they resonate with Unconditional Love? Ask yourself over and over if necessary. Answers will come. The same goes for things and situations in your life, not only people. Always question what your judgments are doing to your feelings and then once you recognize them, make a choice right then to begin thinking in ways that are more towards Unconditional Love. Once judgment is removed from the picture, once can then begin to see the TRUE self and the RADIANCE of selfless Love.

Apply this to all things in your life. Omit judgment in it’s many forms from your thoughts. It starts with observance of the mind’s chatter, then with decisions. It’s a process, allow it’s flow and take one thing at a time. You are progressing as long as you are making these choices.

It’s ok to feel sad or feel loss at times. Just let yourself feel those feelings and let them pass without attaching to them. That’s very important. Don’t attach. Then, use the memory to reflect upon the experience. What can be learned? Was I loving unconditionally in that moment? Was I loving to myself? Was I being judgmental? Draw wisdom from every experience and you will do right for yourself always.

Most importantly, HAVE FAITH in your progress. I can’t say this enough.

Best wishes and much Love.

I am happy to discuss this further if you wish.

Beignet
Thank you gypster.
Unconditional love is difficult…much more difficult than I realized. Especially giving yourself unconditional love.
Attaching is another difficult concept. Everything that happens around us feels personal. Like it is “about” us when often times it isn’t. I do have to learn to let go.
Thank you for your words. I will consider them carefully.
gypster2004
Dear Beignet,
Remove “difficult”, “have to”, “want to” and “going to” from your vocabulary. Instead, affirm that you ARE unconditionally loving already. That’s the fact. While you can’t take the drop of water out of the ocean and still call it the ocean, you can in fact see it is made up of the same “stuff” as the ocean, only in minuscule form. It is an inescapable fact that you are already everything that you wish to be including Unconditionally Loving.You can conceptualize driving to the store, or building a fence or whatever. But will conceptualizing actually GET you to the store or result in a fence being built? Absolutely not. It takes action, which is the application of knowledge. Once you KNOW the way to go to the store or how to build that fence, the next natural course of action is to drive there or build it. Otherwise nothing manifests into reality as a result of knowledge.Make a pact with yourself that you will not take things personally and that you are able to let go with ease. Write yourself notes, keep a copy of it on your person at all times. Keep all of your affirmations near you so that you can throughout the day take them out and read them silently or aloud. “Every time I take something personally or find myself acting unloving to myself or others I will take this list out and read it or at least remember each item on the list. I will remind myself of these affirmations every time I find myself mired in such ways.” Read the list several times a day, including in the morning and at night. I’ve taped stuff to my mirror so I am sure to see them. Most importantly, have gratitude for this process and for everything you have in your life. You truly are blessed.Love and Light.
Source: http://www.deepakchopra.com/forums/topic.php?id=21&page